By Rabbi Dr. David Fox, JNS
Exposure to horrific acts can be traumatizing; images will sear into the brain and occupy thought content and emotional sensations for an extended time.
When I was a teen, I used to read MAD Magazine. One issue discussed ways to “save the trees” by newspapers using less paper, and how the world could consolidate all news into a single line. “More killed everywhere.” We found such satire a little funny back then, but no one considered it a prescient forecast of today’s international climate.
These days, we are surrounded by bad news. Hostages taken with impunity. Missiles launched at civilian targets and ships. Stabbings and assaults. Campus antisemitism. Violent protests. Gun-slinging students murdering classmates and teachers in school. Hostages who are raped, tortured and executed, with much of the world remaining unmoved and staying silent.
Adding to the atrocity is the rampant publicizing of these horrors, free for viewing across digital media. Images that were once regarded as bad taste if portrayed as movie entertainment are now de rigueur for public knowledge. Any child or adult with access to the Internet can view the carnage, the mutilation, the defiling of helpless victims and the desecration of human life in living color. The footage gets packaged as “justifiable outrage in context.” It can be diluted into a political statement, yet it is also an example of terrorism when we consider that any act that leads people to feel frightened and threatened is terroristic. What makes this form of media-based terrorism even more pathological is that no one is forced to watch these images; people’s curiosity leads them to view them volitionally.
As parents, it is necessary to determine your stance or policy about what to exposure your family to and what to say to them. Education is important, and some knowledge of world events is part of your child’s developmental process. Psychologically, however, adults lose more than they gain from being educated graphically about atrocities, and all the more so, young children stand to lose more than they benefit from unbridled exposure to these media.
We read a lot about trauma nowadays. Too many things are labeled “traumatic.” From a scientific view, however, there are some fairly valid means of quantifying and defining trauma. Exposure to horrific acts that one has never before encountered can be traumatizing—meaning that the images seen will sear into the brain and occupy thought content and emotional sensations for an extended time. Research shows that a visual encounter that replicates an actual traumatic event (i.e., a picture or video) can affect the witness to the media in much the same way as an actual encounter with a real-life event. When we and our children look at grotesque scenes, the shock-trauma impact can interfere with our cognitive functioning, our moods and feelings, and our physical well-being. It can impact our behavior. Exposing your child to those images may result in impaired concentration, distraction, flashback images, sadness, dread, fright, rage, nausea, appetite loss and sleep disturbance. Prolonged exposure can result in habituation and a gradual lack of sensitivity to the plight of the victims and an actual schadenfreude or finding gore entertaining.
Parents seeking to instill in their child the values of empathy, compassion and moral conscience are better off providing him or her with an age-appropriate discussion of what is right and what is wrong in the world, and cultivating a trusting dialogue with that child in learning to identify his or her own reactions when they hear troubling news. We cannot insulate our children from some exposure to what takes place in their world, and it is always better that they learn of frightening news from a responsible caring parent than from the playground, the streets or the Internet. Some preemptive discussion is necessary, which includes probing with the child what they have already heard, and how they are reacting to it. A parent is a supportive listener and should not chide, tease, criticize or judge a child who discloses their subjective reaction to hearing oppressive news.
People of all ages may react with body sensations such as nausea, sleep disturbance, trembling or emotional reactions such as sadness or fear, or with a range of cognitive disruptions or behavioral changes. Validate if a child says he or she is scared, as well as the fact that scary news leads to such feelings. If the child says that they feel sick, validate that the images are sickening and that your child is a sensitive, caring person and feels sickened as well. Encourage your child to speak up, identify their reactions, be aware of them and express them to you. You might resonate with similar feelings, but this is not about you. It’s about your child, so do not cloud his or her efforts to disclose by sharing your own feelings. Don’t overload your child with questions, which is a surefire way to get him or her to retreat in silence. Prompt but don’t interrogate. Offer encouragement but don’t drag them into unrealistic optimism during their interval of fear or sadness. You might plant the idea that as the days go by, their feelings will shift, and they might begin to see things differently. But do not try to use your logic to talk them out of what they are going through right now.
Younger children need your reassurance that they are safe and that you are there for them. Older children may have a lot of “why?” questions about existence, theology and spiritual matters. Laud your child for being a sensitive, deep thinker, but do not minimize their questions with superficial answers. Explain that we do not always know why things happen in life, but with time, it might be possible to understand more.
A constructive way of handling horrible world and local news is to make time for your children. Bond with them, listen to them, model stability for them and check in with them. These discussions are essential, though they certainly don’t belong at mealtimes or bedtime. In a world increasingly fraught with violence, home must be your safe haven, so that your children know that they can turn to you at all times, especially when they are exposed to events and encounters that run contrary to the wholesome values you want for them. Listen to your children. And love them.
